I remember one particular couple I worked with not too long ago. The woman, was gorgeous, had a successful career, and always looked stunning on her dates.
But after only a few months, her partner lost interest and wanted to call it quits. She couldn’t understand why.
From the outside, everything seemed perfect, but through our conversations, we identified several behaviors that had been turning her partner off, things she didn’t even realize were important.
As a relationship coach, I’ve had countless conversations with men about the things they find unattractive in women. The truth is, attraction isn’t just about appearances, it’s about attitude, behavior, and how you present yourself beyond your looks.
So, if you’re looking to keep your relationship strong and understand what might drive men away, let’s talk about the 8 most common turn-offs men encounter.
✅ Key Takeaway
Attraction goes beyond looks. Men value confidence, kindness, and self-care. Avoiding behaviors like selfishness or vulgarity keeps relationships healthy.
1. Poor Hygiene and Lack of Self-Care
It might sound obvious, but this is a big one that many women overlook. Just like women appreciate a well-groomed man, men value hygiene and self-care in a partner.
I once had a client mention how his girlfriend wore the same old wig for weeks, and he found it off-putting, though he didn’t know how to say it. Things like unkempt hair, bad breath, or wearing the same perfume every day can dull your shine over time.
Taking care of your body and appearance shows that you respect yourself and trust me, men notice. Fresh hair, moisturized skin, and a clean, pleasant scent can make a world of difference.
Did You Know❓
Did you know that poor hygiene is one of the top reasons men lose interest in a relationship, even if the initial attraction was strong?
2. Lack of Confidence
Confidence is incredibly attractive. Men appreciate women who are sure of themselves, who can make decisions, and who aren’t afraid to speak their minds.
If you’re constantly second-guessing yourself or can’t speak up, it can make men feel like they’re always in control which, believe it or not, isn’t always what they want.
As a coach, I’ve seen how insecurity can slowly erode a relationship. One of my clients shared how he loved his partner’s intelligence but found her lack of confidence frustrating.
She’d often seek reassurance, even in small decisions, which made the relationship feel unbalanced.
💡 Quick Tip
Want to keep your man interested? Show confidence in yourself and avoid excessive drinking or public drama. These are major relationship turn-offs!
3. Excessive Drinking
There’s nothing wrong with enjoying a glass of wine with dinner or a night out with friends, but when it becomes excessive, it’s a red flag for most men.
One man I spoke to explained how his partner’s constant drinking became a major issue. She’d get loud and aggressive, which embarrassed him in social settings.
It’s fine to unwind with a drink, but when alcohol becomes a regular coping mechanism, it can lead to negative behaviors that men find unattractive.
4. Talking Badly About Family
Family is often a sensitive subject. One thing I’ve noticed from men, especially in long-term relationships, is how turned off they are when their partner constantly criticizes or disrespects her own family.
One man in a session mentioned how uncomfortable it made him when his girlfriend would talk poorly about her parents, even in front of him.
If you’re disrespecting your own family, it can make a man wonder how you might speak about him behind his back. It also creates unnecessary tension and awkwardness, especially if he values family.
5. Public Drama and Fighting
Fighting in public, or worse, getting physical, is one of the biggest turn-offs for men. Men value peace, and a woman who engages in public confrontations or arguments can make them uncomfortable.
As highlighted in a Verywell Mind article, public arguments can lead to emotional exhaustion in relationships.
I had a couple where the woman would often get into loud verbal arguments in restaurants or parties. Her partner found it embarrassing and eventually began avoiding going out with her altogether.
It’s not just about the fight itself; it’s the lack of self-control and the drama that comes with it. Most men are looking for partners who can handle conflicts calmly and maturely.
6. Being Selfish
Selfishness is another huge turn-off. I remember working with a couple where the woman always put her needs first, without considering her partner’s feelings.
She didn’t do it intentionally, but her actions came across as controlling and manipulative. She often planned things without consulting him and would get upset when he didn’t agree.
Men want to feel like they’re in a partnership, not just a supporting role in someone else’s life. A healthy relationship involves give and take from both sides.
7. Using Vulgar Language
Language matters more than we think. Constantly using harsh or vulgar language can come across as aggressive or disrespectful, especially in front of others.
One of my clients once shared how he loved his girlfriend’s sense of humor but found her frequent use of crude language embarrassing, especially around his family and friends.
Being kind and thoughtful with your words, even when you’re upset, shows emotional maturity and respect for those around you.
8. Not Being Attentive or Caring
Lastly, men appreciate a woman who listens and shows genuine interest in what they have to say. One client shared how he felt disconnected from his partner because she never seemed to be fully present.
Whether she was distracted by her phone or simply uninterested in what he was saying, it made him feel unappreciated.
Attention and care go hand in hand with emotional connection. Small gestures, like remembering something he mentioned earlier or asking how his day was, can make a huge difference in how a man feels about the relationship.
Final Words
As someone who’s spent years coaching couples and navigating my own marriage, I can tell you that attraction goes far beyond physical appearance.
It’s about how you treat yourself and others, how you manage your emotions, and how you maintain balance in your relationship.
Remember, men notice things like how you carry yourself, your confidence, and how you handle life’s ups and downs.
So, if you find yourself relating to any of the behaviors mentioned above, take it as an opportunity to grow, not just for your partner, but for yourself too. After all, the key to any successful relationship is mutual respect, care, and effort from both sides.
Pin It For Later
